About a year ago I caught my wife cheating. I had asked her numerous times if she was talking to people or wanted a divorce. Always got no. The night I caught her she came home n we talked n ended up having the best sex of our relationship. About a month later things were better than ever between us. She proposed to me open marriage, poly, enm. I knew nothing of this lifestyle. I knew going in, it would be easier for her than me. About 2-3 months in we decided I would go back to a previous career and quit my dream job. All so we could save money (daycare for three is crazy) and she would be a stay at home mom. I am a very emotional, heart on my sleeve man. So she suggested that I would be first to go out on a date. Make it easier on me when she did. She was right. I dated one girl for about three or four months and I got ghosted. Since then I've only literally had two friends with benefits. She has been seeing the same man for about five or six months. They have yet to meet. It's all text, phone calls n snap chat. Irecently found out that she lied to me about them saying I love you to each other. I ended up going to third shift about four months before they met.. I was feeling like something was wrong. So I firstly asked her if she had been ignoring my calls and texts so she could talk to him. She told me no. I work 7days a week. Ten /twelve hour days. Around Christmas I got like eight days off. She would disappear for like 45 minutes multiple times a day to talk to him. So I checked out phone bill. Come to find out at a getaway that we made a rule no talking to anyone once we arrived fur 24 hours. Her idea, she talked to him the whole time. And she did it again at a family gathering, two kids birthday parties, held on the same day so that I could attend. When we first started this, we sat and made boundaries. We knew they would change or evolve with time. She has broke all but two out of about twelve. She holds nothing sacred, that is just an us thing. Something we don't do with anyone but each other. Due to my schedule we only get 3-4 hours a day to talk. She texts and calls him during that time. I have brought up how I feel like a secondary person in her life not her husband. Every time I do it turns into what I have done wrong in the past. Or that I don't know how to communicate with her properly. I can't shake the feeling that between catching her on apps I didn't know, talking to people I've never heard of she is cheating even in this life. I've asked if she wants out. She tells me she is madly in love with me. That is her biggest reason as to why we haven't experimented with any of the kink stuff we both want to do. She keeps telling me to go do it, that's y we are in this. I found out tonight that her biggest reason for asking for open marriage, poly was if we were on a situation with someone we found attractive and things happened. There would be no consequences. She flat out said it's better to know than not know. I feel like she is doing this all wrong and for the wrong reasons. I was raised very old school very strict. Extremely sheltered. She keeps saying just cuz our views or reasons are different doesn't make either of us right or wrong. Thank you.