I'm hoping for some advice, maybe, or words of wisdom. Please, if you are strongly against open marriage or have strong religious convictions, I would prefer that you scroll on by because this isn't in your wheelhouse. I'm not here to be admonished for my lifestyle. Looking for perspective. I am a little on the spectrum, so I don't always read situations correctly, so that might factor into things.

I'm married-a couple of decades-we have an open relationship (not poly), and we swing, for the past 3 years. That's just background; the focus of this post is this scenario: A man and woman(me) are play mates, have been for nearly 2 years, meeting on average 2x a month. When we began this situationship, I was clear that I had other partners, and he was clear that he did not. It has always been, and always will be NSA, no feelings, hard limit.

Occasionally, he has put things on "pause." To be fair, I did the same once while working through some things with DH. Most recently, the pause was his idea, and it sounded a whole lot more like permanent, than a break. However, he's initiated contact again. After the usual niceties, he tosses out this. "Can I ask a personal question? Besides me and hubby, do you have more "play dates"? You can tell me it is none of my business...will totally understand."

Now, some might say it's not his business, but I felt he had the right to an answer. So I gave it, which is yes, I do. Infrequently, when we are not paused, but a couple of times a year, we do go to swing events. When things are paused, more frequently. Regular ongoing partners, not randos.

A few days later (not unusual for there to be days between our messages), he includes in his response, "Thanks for your honest response to my personal question. Still processing (meaning assessing risk)."

I found this off-putting. Perhaps he assumed that over time, I had stopped seeing others? Because this should not have seemed like new information. I suppose there is always "risk," but he also knows that I do not have unprotected sex and go for regular testing just to be extra safe.

I know that he had responded as honestly as I did. But now it seems to be bothering me. I suppose that even though my husband and I have lived this way 3 years and it works for us, there's is some residual guilt buried deep down. So, although I know I don't have feelings for the guy, in the romantic-life-partner sense, I'm having some sort of emotional response to this conversation.

He is my favorite partner besides my husband. There are many reasons for that, one of which is the level of respect that he and my husband gave for each other and me.

I worry that the response I'm having might be a warning sign that I have, or will develop feelings, which would mean ending the situationship. Because I have only ever been in love with one person, and that's my husband; we have been together since I was 17. It was so long ago that it feels like we have just always been in love. I honestly don't remember what it feels like to develop feelings because I've never had feelings for anyone but my husband.

It all sounds so stupid once I've typed it out. But I'm still hoping to get some perspective and clarity, in spite of my stunted emotional growth 🤷‍♀️🙃