I (35M) married my best friend (34W) nearly ten years ago, Covid revealed her bisexuality. Now that I have degenerative mobility issues we negotiated our needs/goals and worked out an arrangement: a privately open marriage as a means of ethical non-monogamy, essentially me being solo poly with a lot of safety & privacy considerations in place, as we’re concerned our families and local friends wouldn’t understand.

For the women I meet on Reddit it’s not a problem that I want to film, the dealbreaker is that I’m married. The conversations tend to go like this …

Me: I’m looking for a casual partner that’s ok with filming for personal/private viewing. If you’d like to talk about it I’d love to hear from you.

Them: I’m interested

Me: Beautiful! Are you around town the next few days? Would love to meet for lunch/coffee

Them: Are you married?

Me: Yes, I married my best friend nearly ten years ago and because she wants me to enjoy my life safely we have an arrangement. If that’s a dealbreaker for you I understand. We can get into the details in person if you’d still like to meet.

Them: [left chat]

Should I be upfront in my posts/chats that I’m married?

Open to any feedback! I’m in ABQ, NM (Albuquerque, New Mexico) if that makes any difference. Thanks in advance