Hello everyone,

M 41 here. Even though Reddit existed since a very long time, I came across it only a couple of years ago. Shame on me!

With this post I would like to share with the community my online dating experience across the last 23 years so, once you finish to read it, you can gather some suggestions and make your own conclusions. To make it easier, I will break this down by years and by apps. I can’t quantify how much time I have exactly spent on each app daily, but usage has been constant over time, with exception for those periods I actually had a girlfriend.

From 2000 to 2004: NetNeeting ICQ (all free accounts)

These apps are quite vintage and maybe some of you might not even know they have ever existed. They were instant messaging apps with chatrooms. I was joining chatrooms and hitting on nicknames supposedly owned by girls. I have been using these apps mostly in the evening, after work, constantly. At that time the online women-to-men-ratio was roughly 1:10, and it required a lot of efforts before I could chat with one. I remember evenings spent without getting any reply but, on the other hand, in a period of about 4 years, I had several meetups, casual sex a couple of times, and three stable relationships in real life. Differently from nowadays, at that time it was harder to establish if I was really talking with a girl or a dude on other side, cause smartphones and digital cameras were not as widespread as today. I am pretty sure some lonely dude took advantage of anonymity in order to have some company. However, overall, never paid one cent, never had to create stupid profiles and I ended up with decent results.

From 2005 to 2008: IRC chatrooms Skype (all free accounts)

With the decline of NetMeeting and ICQ, I was left stranded, and it was getting harder and harder talking to anyone. The number of chatrooms was getting smaller and smaller, until one day they all vanished.Apparently, it wasn’t my only problem and, after consulting with some users on IRC servers, I came to know that NetMeeting was getting replaced by Skype. Initially, I tried to hit some girls on the IRC chatrooms but it was wild, considering you could instantly change your nickname. There were no profiles at all, it was totally anonymous, and I only managed to get a few email addresses. We became pen pals eventually and, in a couple of occasions, we also met up in real life. Again, for those of you who don’t know, Spype didn’t always belong to Microsoft, as it is today. It was born as a videoconferencing software, but in the early versions some chat rooms existed too. I was hitting on girls with the same approach but, the best part of Skype was being able to voice chat and eventually video chat. So, no more endless typing. No voice? No cam? OK, bye! Spype offered the possibility of being more selective. I entertained myself with girls from all over the world: USA, India, Russia, Sweden, Brazil, Romania, Italy and may other countries. Most of the times distance didn’t allow for a meetup but long-distance relationships were almost satisfying when there was the possibility to see each other on daily basis. Again, during those years online I didn’t spend a dime. It was only a matter of commitment and dedication. The more time I spent hunting online, the more chances I had to hook up. Sometimes I had to deal with multiple virtual relationships in parallel, because not all girls wanted a physical meetup, which was my ultimate goal. One of these Skype encounters turned into a real-life relationship and lasted 6 long years, during which I stopped using any app.

From 2014 to 2018: Chatroulette Badoo Facebook (all free accounts)

I don’t remember exactly how but one day I came across Chatroulette and I was quite addicted to it. I spent endless hours on it and countless chats. Over there I understood that the dating scenario was changed during my absence. Differently than the old days; when a conversation did initiate or not at all, on Chatroulette conversations lasted only seconds and were aborted for obvious reasons when two guys matched. Even though I matched with a lot of girls, it was almost impossible to finalize a potential encounter, because “the eject button” from “the relationship”, was only one click away and anybody ever hesitate to hit it, me included. In 2015, the way I used to approach the online dating scene was now totally revolutionized. Chatrooms became untrustworthy and infested by horny teens. The whole attitude was shifting at a faster pace, toward an emotional consumerism. That’s where I began “the ghosting” experience for the first time, over chat starting with enthusiasm and ending with me miserably alone.Frustrated and demoralized, I also shifted to a new paradigm, where a photo profile was needed before I could contact anyone. I opened a free Badoo account and after some training with strangers, I refined my hookup technique and landed on Facebook. I must say that I was lucky with Badoo because in less than a week I already had few phone numbers and a meet up, but I can’t say the same about Facebook. While asking to friends of friends for a meetup seemed to be the way to go, after a few rejections it became rapidly obvious that I sounded creepy and I was losing reputation. Those years after my break-up were very unsuccessful. I met only with a girl and long-distance with another.

2019: Misstravel (paid account)

This is when I paid for dating services for the very first time. It was a period of my life I was traveling a lot for work so, I thought, maybe I can reconcile traveling with dating and then I came across this online service. I don’t know if this website still exists today but, for who doesn’t know, its purpose was matching travelers. I had only to publish a trip and mention what was or wasn’t included with it. I was a bit skeptical in the beginning because the credits payment scheme was quite expensive but the reviews were good, so I gave it a shot. With big surprise girls started to line up one after another. I was the one to decide who to carry over with me during my business trips. Some of them even begging for not looking further and pick them instead of others. Surprisingly, all trips ended with casual sex and some romance even lasted for several months. It was a good year; this is paid service made dating looks so easy. With just a small investment I had guaranteed encounters without too many efforts.

From 2020 to 2021: PlentyOfFish OKCupid Once Tinder (all free accounts)

The problem with Misstravel was that it made me feel so confident that I had the illusion I could have achieved the same results with other online dating platforms. This was when I landed respectively on POF, OKC, Once and Tinder. Long story short, it has been a massive waste of time. The velocity, the competition and ruthlessness on those platforms is something which is not even comparable to any real-life meetup gone wrong. Initiating a chat with free accounts is nearly impossible. It reminded me the Chatroulette experience, but a lot worse, because this time I knew the identity of whom was judging and rejecting me. It has been a merciless experience with absolutely zero results. This painful experiment gave me the impressions that most of the women approaching online dating, over the years have developed some sort of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Women are pressured to make a choice under constant and insisting demands and, if they only have a slight doubt, they have no time to contemplate, because another man is coming along in no time. Those apps are designed as hamster cages.

From 2021 to 2023: Bottled Reddit (all free accounts)

As I started this post, I came across Reddit only in 2021 and, surprisingly, I have noticed it could be a fertile ground for online dates. Obviously, the good old day are gone, and I am no longer the same guy with the same goals and interests. Sometimes a meaningful exchange of messages could be more thrilling and energizing than meeting in person. I have to admit that over the last year I have corresponded with some wonderful women and I am thankful for the great opportunity which Reddit gave me, even though I never met in person with anyone. On the other hand, I have been luckier with Bottled App, which is developed behind a romantic idea of a message in a bottle. You write a message and put it in a virtual bottle which literally you throw in the cyber sea with a screen swipe. The receiver can decide if to chat with you or release the bottle for someone else.Thanks to this app I have started to correspond with many women. Mostly platonic relationships but two developed in something more serious and we also met in person, and still friends today.

I would say, that’s all. In summary, sometimes paying for online dating services may be convenient, but only if you know exactly what and where you are looking for.

Thanks everyone for reading until the end and wishing you a fruitful online dating.