Congrats on finding this post. Considering the sheer lack of dicks (meant figuratively and literally) around here to pick from, this makes you super lucky to have found me, your needle in a haystack.

I want to find a connection like a lamp plug needs an electrical outlet. That’s not a bad pun about wanting to stick something in a hole, it’s saying we all need something to brighten our day. I’d like it if we could brighten each other’s day. I’m not saying I want to turn you on like a lamp, either. I’m saying I want to make your eyes light up when you see an orange envelope from me here or a text from me if we go elsewhere.

Everyone around here is going on and on about how miserable their lives are outside of this place - she doesn’t pay attention to me, she isn’t giving me the world and I give everything in my heart and soul to her!! Maybe we should admit we get lazy in our relationships sometimes or we need some kind of escapism from adulting. Feel like escaping? A few hours a day? We can joke and laugh and get to know each other. I’ll tell you terrible jokes in great quantity, and you’ll laugh either because every now and then I get one right ORRRRR you’re just laughing at me.

Me? I mean, I don’t want to talk about me, but since you asked: Early 40s, face like Clooney and a body like Captain America. And if you don’t believe the verbal equivalent of me taking a selfie above my head and off to my left because it makes me look skinny and is my good angle, I love to write long messages about how happy you’re making me, I’m friendly as hell, and I’m actually pretty easy on the eyes.

You? Just be nice, that’s all I ask. Know how to move a conversation so that I’m not doing all the heavy lifting, and let this be the space in the world where we think positive and not with super sad grumpy faces.