Hello and welcome, fellow adulterers.

I’ve been around these parts a time or two. Mixed results. Met some cool people and some weirdos. The definition of insane is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different outcome. Want to play in the pool of insanity that is OA together? Read on, darlin’.

You:

-I want someone normal, at least by Reddit standards.

-Looking for someone older, like 45 . I’m not Stacy’s Mom so if you’re in your 20’s that’s gonna be a no for me dawg (you should have read that in a Randy Jackson voice).

-Just be you and let’s see if we vibe.

-You should value discretion and privacy for both of us. If I have to teach you OPSEC, this won’t work. If I wanted to blow up my life, I could think of a million other more fun ways to do it.

Me:

I’m educated, successful and probably shouldn’t be in this corner of the internet. I’m married and a mom but not a soccer mom. I think a lot of guys are looking for the sundress, cookie baking mom on here and, full disclosure, that’s not me. I buy cookies from a bakery, put them on a pretty plate and tell people I baked them. I’m not the PTA mom and I hide behind my overpriced handbag when those moms chase me down with a signup sheet. I don’t keep up with Tik Tok trends and I don’t care what the 20 something’s are doing so I’m unlikely to understand or care about a pop culture reference prior to 2012.

In terms of me, I am petite and fit with a curve or 2 where it counts. In regards to my face, my mother says I’m pretty, but my mom also took glamour shots where she looked like a prettier version of a WWE wrestler in the 80’s so I don’t know if her judgement can be trusted. She also was one of those people that thought Ty beanie babies were going to out perform the stock market in the 90’s so take what she says at face value. All kidding aside, I can turn heads at the bar well before last call.

From what I’ve seen, these things tend to have an expiration date so let’s just live in the moment. But, who knows, maybe we’ll be like an old bottle of garlic powder in the back of the spice cabinet. Definitely past the expiration date. It’s good in a pinch but it’s stale, losing its flavor, and could probably use a good shake.

Overall, I’m looking for the guy that’s a lurker and rarely messages people or posts. There has to be a normal person, like me, out there who just wants to get to know each other and see where it leads. If that’s you, let’s talk.