Lurker here, tired of putting time and effort into crafting thoughtful responses only to be drowned out by a sea of dick pics and libidinous single-word replies. From what I’ve gathered, you women endure an absolutely heroic amount of garbage in pursuit of a man whose conversation is distinguishable from his flatulence.

So today, I’m trying something new - I’m putting myself out there, hoping a fun, flirtatious woman will stand out among the inevitable phallic photos.

I love my family, and you probably do too. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I’m obviously missing something nonetheless. Call it a spark, call it banter, call it what you will - but I need someone to get to know, to crack jokes with, and perhaps to vent to and show off for (all within moderation, of course).

Physically, I’m not going to claim to be Fabio, or whoever women are into these days. I’m a dad, torn between embracing and rallying against the dad bod. I’ve occasionally heard “handsome” thrown around by people I don’t call “mom,” though I’m not sure I believe them anyway. I’m average in just about every aspect - height, weight, number of kidneys, with brown hair, green eyes, and facial hair that says “I don’t want to shave, but can’t grow a proper beard.” I’m basically the Applebee’s of men, neither remarkable nor offensive, so a couple of fruity drinks probably makes me much more palatable.

I’m into sports, trivia, cooking, baking, home repair, and even a little gardening, but honestly I’m game to talk about anything. I keep a busy schedule (I work 9-5, and I play some league nights), but I’m a dutiful replier.

I’m on the US East Coast for time zone purposes, but I’m not picky at all there. I’d like to start out online (you pick the platform, I’ll make it work), but I’m willing to admit to myself that I’m open to IRL if things go really well. You don’t have to be, I’m not going to push for it.

Anyway, if any of that sounds interesting, I hope you reach out to say hi. Send me a DM and let me know what caught your eye. I’d say pics to the front of the line, but honestly, I don’t anticipate much of a line, so do whatever makes you comfortable.