I realize this may be unusual, but I think at this early stage we should try to get to know each other a bit. I'll share a fact, and you'll share a fact, and back and forth. Of course, since you're not here, I'll have to fulfill your end of the conversation also (worry not, I'm very used to talking to myself).

Fact about me - I haven't consumed caffeine for the past 6 months. Ok there was one tea I had one time, but that's it. Not counting chocolate in this fact.

Fact about you - You are a human woman! We're off to a great start. Well, at least you should be anyway. If there are any men here who want to admire my brilliant post, then so be it.

Fact about me - A vice of mine is gummy candy. It's not great (I mean it IS great but not that I consume it). It's gotten to the point where I mostly buy it from stores where there's a self-checkout so I don't have to suffer the perceived judgment I must be getting.

Fact about you - You are literate and can understand the English language. Wow, 2 for 1! I feel like I know you pretty well already.

Fact about me - My favourite store to go to is the bookstore. I could peruse for hours and not buy anything and be happy. I remember one time I actually read an entire book in one afternoon, standing in place, and then left (admittedly it was a relatively short book). I feel slight guilt about that.

Fact about you - You are an internet user. Look at you, Ms. 21st Century. I'm exceedingly impressed by your list of accolades so far.

Fact about me - I was unreasonably bothered when the grocery store layout was recently changed after YEARS of being the same. I had the entire store mapped out in my head and knew where everything was. Now the taco stuff is in the chip aisle, and the tomato sauce is with the gravy. It's pure anarchy.

Fact about you - You have a truly impressive attention span to have made it this far! I must say, you sound like a thoroughly interesting person and I would love to hear more about you. It might be easier if you messaged me, though, so we could have a two-sided conversation. Sound good?