I post every once in a while, and I say the standard shit, you know, I'm funny and attractive and smart so please be funny and attractive and smart too. And then I get all these messages like "hey I'm funny and attractive and smart" but there's no fucking comedy. Nothing interesting. And then if we even make it to the pic swap I've got to pull the old "oh sorryyyyyy you're just not my type" and I guess I'm just sick of it. Just bored and had enough.

So I guess I'll be more specific.

Funny means witty and sarcastic and snarky and ready to give me shit because I'll sure as shit be giving you some shit. Be an asshole like fuck, you can be an asshole, intent matters so don't actually intend to hurt my feelings, but yes dark humour, poking fun, BE FUNNY. And I don't want Disney channel level comedy my god make some good jokes.

Smart? I mean really you can't be witty if you're dumb so see above. But actually you know if you're fucking stupid right? If you can't piece together a sentence then move along. Sorry. But I'm educated, ambitious, and intelligent, so be all of that. And there's nothing smart or sexy about a walking thesaurus, I won't think you're smart because you start with a pretentious soliloquy, I'll think you're smart if you can pull off some actually good banter and open with something that's original and catches my attention.

And the whole be attractive bit, yeah, I can't even pin down specifically what my type is so good luck to you. Probably older than me, but not geriatric. A nice smile?

So about me, 30 (I already said that), successful educated professional, I'll be blunt I'm objectively good looking and I might not be your type, that's fine, but yeah that just is what it is, and everything else? I don't know message me and find out. Canadian, mountain time, no kids, I don't work a 9 to 5. What other boring shit do you want to know?

And I don't want the standard message okay, I don't want your ctrl-c ctrl-v message, send me something actually funny and interesting. Do I want to know how old you are? Yes. Do I want to know that you love hiking and have a high libido? No fuck send me something that actually makes me want to respond. And please don't say "lol it's hard to not send a boring, standard first message" because I promise you other men have pulled it off.

So let's have some fucking fun okay?