I swear, the number of messages I’ve gotten that make it painfully obvious no one read my post is wild. So, here I am, trying again because why not, right? Glutton for punishment? Maybe. Eternal optimist? Possibly. Let’s just see where this goes.

Okay, a little about me: I’m 32, a mom to one, and the self-proclaimed NYT Mini Game queen (yes, I’ll probably trash talk you over a game of connections). When I’m not flexing my brain cells, I’m indulging in guilty pleasures like My 600 lb Life or some other trash TV. Judge me if you must, I can take it.

Shopping? My cardio. Honestly, it might qualify as a problem at this point. If we vibe, expect mini “fashion show” photo shoots of my latest impulse buys. Yes, I’m THAT girl.

What am I looking for? I need someone who can hold a conversation (no one-word replies, please) and isn’t “too busy” to be consistent. Vulnerability? Yes, please. I’m here for someone who isn’t scared to double-text or actually express how they feel. Words of affirmation matter to me, so if you can’t give that energy, we probably won’t click. Oh, and just to save us both time—if you’re happily married, don’t bother. Cake-eaters, kindly move along.

To put it bluntly, I’m here because my marriage feels more like a roommate situation than a partnership. If that’s your reality too, we might just get along. Physical attraction is important (let’s be real, we’re talking emotional and “seggsy” connection here), so here’s my type: 25-35, 5’10” , skinny, nerdy, and maybe a little quirky. Not into full-on beards (though props if you can pull it off) and prefer short hair. Oh, and if we’re chatting, I’d like a photo early on, ideally in the first few messages. If I haven’t gotten a photo within 5 or so messages, I’ll just stop responding. You’ve been warned. 🤷‍♀️

What you’ll get from me: I’m funny (or so I’ve been told), communicative to the point where you’ll never wonder where I disappeared to, and I’ll keep things light, interesting, and maybe even a little competitive. Hit me with a song for any random word I throw at you and you’ll probably steal my heart 😂. My musical taste is all over the place, from Avenged Sevenfold to Megan Thee Stallion, so be prepared.

Physically, I’m short (5’3”), curvy but not plus-sized (let’s clear up that misconception), black, and I’d say attractive. I’d prefer someone who’s also new to this whole “online affair” thing. The seasoned vets just haven’t been a great fit for me.

If you’ve made it this far and think you’re my vibe, shoot me a message with a quick intro (age, location, profession, and what brings you to the dark side of Reddit).

Let’s make a Kodak memory!