I went to the grocery store yesterday (not actually, i definitely got the groceries delivered) and I got some grapes. The internet keeps telling me if I just eat twelve grapes under my dining table at the stroke of midnight then all my problems will be solved. Worth a shot considering it cost me a crisp $3.

I figure if that doesn’t work out, I’ll just plant this post here as a little back up plan. Not that I think a man can fix all my problems (but if you can do come to the front of the line), but a man could be a fine distraction.

I have a great job, work from home and mostly they pay me to be here when shit actually hits the fan. The day to day is terribly boring usually. Keeps the house tidy and really does keep my gas budget down to a minimum though. I just need something to excite me again. To motivate me. It’s nearly my birthday and if this is another year of my spouse forgetting to even bother with a card I might just let the intrusive thoughts win (read: I’ll start a new hyperfixation hobby that I’ll give up right after I spend too much money on it).

I think it’s probably fair to say I’m a little bit odd. Some kind of mix of old soul that is obsessed with midmod and vintage aesthetics and a chronically online maximalist that can’t figure her shit out. I’ve lost a ton of weight this year and now would say I’m comfortably seated in the “average” body type category and despite my lack of dedication until recently I do prefer someone who cares for their body typically. I wouldn’t call myself vain, but I would call myself pretty. The kind of pretty that at the very least attracts my weird coworker I’ve never met in person to pretend to accidentally text a wrong number and somehow it be me. He talked about drones for too long and I simply cannot condone shitting where I eat otherwise maybe I wouldn’t be posting here right now.

Dear god. I started rambling. Anyways I won’t send you nudes for at least 5 business days (tomorrow is a holiday so take that into consideration) and if you talk like you eat paper instead of reading books we probably won’t make it past two hours. Good luck 🫡