This has been a year. I'm lucky, I know that. I have a good job, good life, good wife. But it's been hard. My AP of three years, whom I loved, left. My marriage got worse. I had my first breakdown (I don't recommend it). And now it's Christmas Eve and I have no one to share it with. So yeah, 2024 hasn't been my favorite.

This was supposed to be an escape. A narrow part of my life when I found what I was missing. But it's not that. It's changed from a desire to a need. A frolic to a focus. And it's just... not healthy, I worry.

This isn't a post that is shitting on the women on this sub or claiming everyone is trying to push their onlyfans. I've meet wonderful women on here. To the dozens of women who messaged me, thank you. You've been kind, even if you only had a moment of time. Human interaction is rare; generous interactions rarer. I cherish it.

But something isn't working. I'm not finding the joy--or maybe the love--for which I grasp. Sometimes it's easy to understand why--no connection, different values. But other times it's more difficult. Emotional exhaustion? Trying too hard? I don't know.

Maybe this isn't for me anymore. But I can't leave this life. I love it. Or I'm addicted to it. But I'm here either way.

So yeah. If you want a married dude who works out despite hating it, overthinks everything, and is often accused of being pretentious even though I thinks most are better than me, come talk and save me from this lonely holiday. Even for just a moment, even just to say you think this is crazy or unhealthy or whatever, I welcome to interaction. We need more of it.