Hi there, fellow Redditor!

Let me guess—you’ve scrolled through so many dating profiles that they all blur together into one giant soup of “I love tacos and hiking!” Well, prepare yourself, because this is not that ad.

About Me

I’m basically a chaotic good character trying to survive this game called life. My stats include:

Strength: 7/10 (but I can carry all your emotional baggage, so win-win).

Charisma: 8/10 (it’s all in the eyebrow raise).

Dexterity: 10/10 (I will trip over flat surfaces).

Sense of Humor: Over 9000.

By day, I’m a responsible adult (kinda). By night, I’m the person who’ll convince you to stay up till 3 a.m. to build a blanket fort, binge a true crime doc, and eat cereal out of a mug because the bowls are too far away.

What I Bring to the Table

An uncanny ability to remember useless trivia (Did you know octopuses have three hearts? Now you do!).

A firm stance in the pineapple-on-pizza debate (it’s delicious, fight me).

The ability to quote The Office at any given moment (that’s what she said).

A love for board games, even though I’ll definitely try to cheat at Monopoly.

What I’m Looking For

Someone who can appreciate my level of sarcasm without crying about it.

A partner who will laugh at my jokes, even when they’re terrible (spoiler: they’re all terrible).

A person who will join me in life’s weird adventures—like finding out who actually eats Necco wafers.

Bonus points if you can tell me the best way to pet a cat without getting scratched.

Dealbreakers:

If your entire personality is “I love to travel” but your passport hasn’t been stamped since 2015, we’re not gonna vibe.

If you don’t know the difference between there, their, and they’re—it’s not me, it’s you.

If you take life too seriously and can’t laugh at yourself.

TL;DR

I’m looking for someone who can handle my sarcastic sense of humor, won’t roll their eyes when I quote pop culture references, and understands that life is too short to skip dessert. Bonus if you can be Player 2 in Mario Kart and not rage-quit when I Blue Shell you.

Shoot your shot—worst-case scenario, we can argue over pizza toppings and part ways amicably.