Hello! I'm pretty pessimistic about this, but hey, nothing ventured, etc.

So, let me tell you the basic demographic and relationship data to start off. I'm sometimes a 25 year old and sometimes a 65 year old, but always trapped in a 47 year old body, with all the aches and deterioration that implies. Married and pretty happily at that, but wanting some NRE that turns into a private little secret. You won't see me trashing my wife. Why am I here then? We can talk about that. It's complex maybe. No kids, no plans for any.

Here's the problem. I have a really weird schedule that gives me plenty of availability, just at kind of odd times, so I'm looking for someone who's equally available at times when most Americans are happily tucked into bed and snoring away. Europeans? Aussies? Insomniac Americans? Anyway, I'm very available from like 4am - 11am EST and usually from like 4pm - 8pm as well. Weekends are pretty similar, and I really want to make the time for you if we click.

Here's the other problem. I'm neurodivergent. Not sure how that would affect our hopefully burgeoning online trust, but there it is. I'm pretty open about my mental health stuff, so ask if you want to know. One thing I think is a possible hangup is that I'm really, really slow to feel comfortable sharing details like my name, my job, where exactly I live etc. Is that something you can work with? Man, I hope so. It doesn't mean I'm going to be all closed up. I'll talk your ear off about most things. You can get to know me pretty well, I think. I'll probably be slow with pictures also. Anyway, I hope it's not a deal breaker.

Because I also think I have a lot to offer! To wit:

I'm pretty smart, I think. I'll use complete sentences and punctuation, with periodic and excusable typos and autocorrect mishaps.

I can talk about many things with you! Books, all kinds of music, art, drama, politics (er... If you're part of the red hat brigade, we're probably not going to hit it off), conspiracy theories, old TV shows, toxic masculinity (to be clear, I'm against it), memes, mental health... Just lots of stuff.

I don't really have a "type," physically. Curvy? Great! Rock on! Slim and petite? I can dig it. As for me, I don't really consider myself that attractive, so be warned. I'm chunky, for one thing.

I've got a pretty dirty mind. Is that a good thing? I think it is if you're the right kind of person for me. I'm also definitely not vanilla. (Although it is my favorite ice cream flavor. Go figure.) I'm not saying we're going to jump right into the sexy times but it's a possibility, right? All in good time.

Okay, so that's my essay for you. I hope you liked it enough to send me a little chat request or something. I'd much prefer to keep this on Reddit at least for now. I don't want to download yet another app, but if it looks like we're in it for the long haul, I'm open to a switch.

And seriously, thanks for reading this far.