Listen up ladies! Gorgeous catch here, 5'5", 250 lb. sexy dad bod with bad teeth in the UK. I like to hike, camp, ride, and I go to the gym 7x a week. Everyone says I'm sexy. I'm not looking to change anyone's situation, and I really don't know what I want. Definitely don't want sparks, butterflies, or love.

About you:

I'm only looking for women between the ages of 24 and 26. Please be between 4'10" and 5'0". I like to feel tall. Also, you must be fit, sexy, and gorgeous like me. I take good care of myself, so should you. Blond hair preferred, and please be shaved. Sorry, pubic beards just aren't my thing. Be willing to send face and nude pics first thing to verify. Breast size D and giant pussy lips to the front of the line. DMs without pics will be ignored. There has to be, you know, mutual attraction.

I need you to start sexting right away, and you better be able to bring the goods. If you're not willing to do this and you just pressure me for regular conversation and some kind of "connection", don't bother. I need someone to make me feel like I felt before I was married, when I was just trying to get laid. Low effort sexters need not apply.

Don't message me if you are:

• Not in a European timezone.

• Not willing to drive to me to meet up, because I don't give a fuck what this group is called.

• Needy, emotional, or chatty.

• Not willing to limit our interaction to 9-5, M-F... I'm not here to be your evening/weekend boy toy.

• Going to ever mention your husband. Total boner killer.

• Going to want something long term. I'm good for about 2 weeks, tops.

• Judgemental about heavy drinking and drug use

• Someone who uses big words.

• Someone with a post history. I don't want to know a damn thing about you other than your labia size.

So hurry up ladies, get it while it's hot. I'm sure I'll have literally hundreds of messages to go through, I always do. No nudes will be ignored. Anything emotional will be ignored. Be patient and wait, and consider yourself very, very lucky if you get a reply.