There are so many nice polo shirt wearing, baby faced, golden retriever men around here, and trust me. I love them for it, but goddamnit. I just want to be around my people! Let's listen to Lebanon Hannover, KMFDM, Judas Priest, Tool, and Molchat Doma in a dark room together holding hands. Let's talk about our next tattoos. Let's cringe over what we wore in high school. Let's just... understand each other.

Anyway, here are some basics. I'm 39, married, of course, and I have no spawn. I live in US Mountain time. I do NOT fuck with MAGA wackadoodles. I have a very serious and important career (with a tinge of sarcasm.) And my least favorite D&D class is Monk. Above all else, I appreciate intelligence, curiosity, creativity, and critical thinking skills. If someone asks you why, and you think an acceptable answer is "That's the way we've always done it." Please just stay out of my DMs. We're not a match.

Physically, I'm what the fashion industry would call "midsized" which is a PC way of saying I'm bigger than hwp, but not big enough to need to shop in special stores. I have dyed black hair, a healthy amount of time in a tattoo chair, and I wear a lot of black. Though my wardrobe is extremely casual, so I'm kind of like... Alt-adjacent until I want to be cute, then... look out!

You are a handsome man between 40-55 whose schedule actually allows for this. It's probably best if you're in North America, but I'm willing to try with someone in Europe. Just know that it might not work out. Aussies and Kiwis, I fuckin' love ya, but the time difference does not work unless you work night shifts or something. Sorry.

You're smart as fuck, you understand the importance of matching energy, and you are adept at talking about concepts and prefer that over talking about the tangible or concrete. Physical attraction is important, so let's exchange pics early and go from there. To give you an idea of what I generally find attractive, I'll just say a goth/alt man with a not-too-grungy appearance who can see his feet when he looks down. If we hit it off, we can move to telegram.

Ready to walk through a graveyard at dusk drinking red wine, smoking American Spirits* and dancing like no one is watching***?

Let's go.

I'm actually 226 days sober *I quit about 5 months ago ***I like to dance like a whimsical tree

Ooh! What's this? BONUS advice? Look at you reading all the way through!!!

Guys. Even if you don't message me, hear me out. The person posting has the responsibility of introducing themselves and stating what they're looking for. The person responding has the responsibility of starting a conversation based on that information. If you respond to a post with only a long list of "I" statements, it makes you seem really self centered. Instead, find something from the post that interests you and start a conversation about it. Don't talk at me. Talk with me.