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I’m here for a real connection—the kind where we exchange pleasantries for 30 seconds before diving headfirst into a game of innuendo chicken that neither of us is mature enough to stop.
Let me be upfront: I have a dad bod. Yes, that dad bod—the kind built for carrying groceries in one trip, giving great hugs, and looking suspiciously good in flannel. If that’s not your thing, move along. If it is, welcome to your new favorite bad decision.
I don’t care what you look like as long as your sense of humor could double as a lethal weapon. If you’ve got the sarcasm to make me question my life choices and the flirty confidence of a femme fatale in a noir film, we’ll get along just fine.
About me: By day, I’m a functional adult doing responsible things™. By night, I’m a semi-feral flirt who thrives on witty comebacks, escalating banter, and pretending I have my life together. My hobbies include making people laugh inappropriately, overanalyzing terrible movies, and being shamelessly curious about everything.
If you think you can handle a relentless stream of double entendres and have no problem roasting me for the stupid things I’ll inevitably say, slide into my DMs. Bonus points if your idea of romance involves debating which cryptid would be the best cuddler (and yes, I have thoughts on this).
Let’s create some chemistry so potent that even the FBI gets curious.
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