I think we come to OA to see: Is there anyone else like me? Someone who is generally happy, but carrying that weight no one sees. It's heavier than we thought it would be.
And we have lots to be happy for, our health, our hair (well, for dudes, we are thankful for that), our lives, I would imagine are pretty good.
I get that this is both a deep and shallow place. It's Gen X tinder without the meeting -- and god knows when you find that right person, meeting feels like a must, must right now. But I think, we also just want to be seen -- not for who we may be, but for the person we want to be. We are all walking contradictions, and that's ok, if we are anything, we're the sum of those contradictions. We want, and want and want -- and we say we don't want anything.
But the other day, I was watching this beautiful woman walk around. She was my age, or at least I think she was, and no one saw her. She was walking around, talking to her impatient child, a 10-year-old girl with glasses and a scarf cinched up a little too tightly. The woman was frustrated with the girl, who was acting out. But everyone just walked past her -- like she wasn't there. Invisible to those who don't care.
Look, I get as we get older, we become less seen. But that's not who we are, that's not who she was. I don't need to tell you that you are more. But I guess, I'm looking for someone who might tell me that. Someone who, every now and then, gets up early to see the sun rise -- or stays up late for that full moon to peek over the horizon. Someone who enjoys a laugh at the absurdity that life brings us. Someone who wants a kiss to linger, a touch to feel electric, someone who holds their embrace past the point of friendship.
You do not need to be perfect -- I'm certainly not. But I'm kind and attentive. And I think that has served me very well throughout my life. Of course, I shouldn't be on here, none of us should. But we are. Maybe we should do something about that so we don't come back.