Happy Thanksgiving Eve! The season of gratitude, gluttony, and pretending your aunt’s green bean casserole isn’t a crime against humanity. As for me, I’m happy...life is good! My marriage? It’s fine but unfulfilling. Think of it like plain mashed potatoes: steady, comforting, but you know it could use a little gravy. So, here I am, looking for that extra dash of flavor to make things a bit more exciting. So why don't you pass the gravy, will ya?

So, I live in California's Central Valley..where dreams of avocado toast go to die. I’m 35, 6'0", 195 lbs. and recently lost 70 pounds. Yeah, I used to carry around a second grader’s worth of weight, but now? I feel amazing. Still got a little more to lose, though, because apparently, my abs are shy and hiding behind the last 15 pounds.

I’m a light-skinned Palestinian-American...so if you’re one of those ‘Free Palestine’ girlies, form an orderly line to the front, okay? We’re handing out hummus, a keffiyeh, and solidarity with a side of dark black hair, a fresh trim beard, and eyes so brown they’d make Nutella jealous.

I’m a foodie, which is just a fancy way of saying I’ve spent more money on DoorDash than I have on rent. I also believe it or not love to cook. And no I will not cook your steak well done. Nerdy? Absolutely. I have more useless facts in my head than an encyclopedia. I'm a gamer but it doesn't mean I'm a basement dweller. And I’ve got more interests than a Tinder bio will allow, and yeah, I flirt. Not in a creepy ‘Hey ma’ kind of way, more like a did I just make you laugh so hard you accidentally snorted? Cool, date me.

I’m easygoing but confident...like, I’ll lead the charge, but I’ll also hold the door open for you while cracking a joke. Caring and passionate? Yep. I’m basically a rom-com protagonist in the making, minus the part where I own a Golden Retriever and run through an airport. But who knows? Life’s wild

So, here’s the dream: I’m looking for a warm, sweet, married woman. Someone who’s close to my age, HWP. And if this post makes you feel a little something, congratulations, you might just be my type.

I’m into women who are passionate...like, you’ve got at least one thing you nerd out about. Maybe it’s books, maybe it’s Marvel movies, or maybe you’ve got a secret spreadsheet ranking the best Trader Joe’s snacks. Whatever it is, let’s vibe.

Ideally, you’re in California or at least on my time zone (PST/MST), because I want to actually talk to you. None of this ‘I’m available every third Tuesday if Mercury’s in retrograde’ nonsense. I'm pretty much available every day. More so during work hours, because fuck corporate but also actually available outside of work. You can say I'm a night owl, and no not just because I can rotate my head all the way around, but because I actually stay up late and available to keep you glued to your phone and make you regret it in the morning. Also, Telegram? That’s non-negotiable. If we click, I’m gonna need you on that app faster than your exAP ghosted you.

And listen, we're gonna need to pass the mutual attraction test (yes, pics are happening), and in a perfect world this would evolve into something tangible. Like, real-world tangible. Meeting up tangible. Maybe even accidentally locking eyes over coffee and realizing we’re doomed in the best way tangible.

At the end of the day, I just want to matter to you. I want you to know me, all of me. A friend, lover, snack-recommendation connoisseur. Someone you genuinely enjoy knowing and sharing with. Is that so much to ask?

If this speaks to you, reach out! Hit me with a joke, a pick-up line, or a random fact that’ll blow my mind. Just don’t hit me with a boring ‘heyyy’..we’re better than that. Let’s banter like pros!