I posted some variation of this rambling string of thoughts several days ago. But it seems from my limited experience that whom you happen to reach at a given point of time is pretty random. So here I am again, blurting my feelings out into the void, hoping they might resonate with someone.

I had this naive view as a child that life would be easy. It hasn't been. That life would be kind. It often isn't. That human connectedness would be something easily cultivated. But that seems to be the most elusive thing of all. Does anyone else feel this way?

Having reached a certain age, I can't help but think about all the roads not traveled. I look in the mirror and don't understand who is looking back. Struggling between wondering how to regain pieces of myself I feel I have lost and mourning what I know can't come back. I dont know exactly what I'm looking for. Somebody to commiserate with? Somebody to escape with? Somebody to sit side by side with and just feel the weight of it all?

I know that I lack the kind of intimate connection with another person where I feel like there can just be total openness, unmitigated vulnerability. And I lament that absence. Maybe that's what I'm searching for.

I would hesitantly add one little post script to this message, in the hopes that it doesn't derail an otherwise good conversation. I am a guy who, at some very deeply buried level, considers himself to be bisexual. It's not anything I'm out about, nor do I have any aspirations for it to be otherwise. Some things are best kept private. But a part of me is saddened that I dont know anyone who is aware of this side of me.

So if that's not something you find off putting, and the rest of this sad sack of a posting resonates with you, then please drop me a line. I'd be delighted to chat.