Fair Warning: I’m Married

:P

I hope that made you laugh, I really like to start conversations with a little silly humor.

Now, for some substance!

The moral ambiguity of my presence here aside, I consider myself a good and honest man. I work hard and I’m successful, I provide a great life for my family and I’m very proud of it. I’d say 75% of the time things are pretty decent, but the other 25% is ROUGH. Also, missing romance and intimacy.

Some stuff:

Hella Tall

Strong

Bearded

White (Boring I know)

Semi-intelligent

Emotionally Available

Silly unless otherwise specified

Looking for a girlfriend

My friends would describe me as reliable, my co-workers describe me as stoic. However, I like to just listen and observe. There’s more to be gained by listening and learning than espousing every silly thought that crosses my mind.

I’m a great listener, and I’ve been told I give solid advice. What does that mean for you? Well for starters when you get home from work the first message from me will be “Why don’t we get those feet soaking in a hot tub and pour yourself a glass of wine” and then you can tell me all about your dipshit coworkers. Especially the woman from accounting you loathe, I bet her name is Susan. That catty bitch, I hate her already.

I can be the shoulder you cry on, and the shoulders you rest your ankles on. But I’m more than just a perverted multi-function shoulder. I also have other features which include but are not limited to:

Eyes

Ears

Hands and feet and legs and stuff

A killer beard

A butt

You get the picture.

What I’m looking for:

A biological female. I cannot stress that enough.

Somebody discrete that understands we are both taking a huge risk to form a bond. Treat the situation with the respect it deserves please.

Somebody who is amenable to the idea of having a long term secret relationship with me.

Somebody with a sense of humor.

Somebody kind. I already have enough people in my life that are unkind to me, I don’t need another.

As for the more intimate parts of my soul, I shall lay them bare here at your feet so you can make an educated decision.

I am profoundly broken, but hilariously high functioning. I just cannot turn this thing off, and believe me I’ve Tried. That being said, I am a handsome, kind, calm, and charismatic man. I sometimes have bad days and part of being in a relationship is understanding that this can’t be all fun and games, lollipops & Blowjobs all the time.

So if any of this mindless drivel seems appealing to you, please send me a Chat request. Bonus points for the ladies that read down this far and mention the number “Purple” in your message.