I wrote all this out about a week ago during a particularly rough night, but thought I would toss it back out into the void since it seems as though, at any given moment, there's a totally different assortment of people lurking about....

There's a part of me that's really reticent to type this out, because writing it down somehow makes it more real.

I didn't really expect life to flow this way. I guess i was a naive kid. I expected it to be easy. It wasn't. I expected it to be gentle. It hasn't been. I thought that once you reached a certain age and were able to forge a family of your own, the loneliness would dissipate. I was wrong.

I could spill all the melancholy details of my current state of affairs and really make this a downer of a personal, but perhaps we can spare all that until the "get to know you" phase, should I be fortunate enough to receive a reply to this sad sack of a plea.

So who am I in a nutshell? 43, finance professional, bookish, quiet but confident, masculine but not macho, very active, sort of the weekend warrior endurance athlete type...or at least I used to be.

In fact, i used to be a lot of other things...used to be creative, used to smile more, used to feel excited about the world and its possibilities. Maybe this message is all about trying to find a way back to all of those "used tos."

But a drained and emotionally distant partner and a dead bedroom have made all that feel like a past version of me that isn't even really distinguishable in the rear view mirror anymore.

I never realized how much physical intimacy was important to me until I sought the counseling of a therapist. I'm only looking to connect online, but I'd really like to meet someone who places a value on open minded sexual exploration within the context of a real friendship that isn't just about that alone.

If you've made it to the end of this rambling message, I'll add one little more personal detail about myself because I would hate to hit it off with someone and then have this be an issue. I'm a guy who is, in some very deeply buried place, bisexual. It's not a lifestyle I have any interest in living and I'm quite at peace with that. Still, I've often thought it would be lovely to have a friend who not just knows that secret about me, but perhaps even appreciates it.

So with all that said (or rather typed), I will now hit post and wish for the best.

I hope everyone out there is having a good day.