I'm tall, fit and surprisingly good looking. Definitely less cynical and a lot kinder than the rest of this post is about to suggest: I don't want "good morning" texts or to develop "all the feels". If you have ever considered writing a post that contained the line "Welcome to the insanity that is me" then I am not for you.

So, you: bad bitch energy, possibly feral, dangerously good looking and extremely sarcastic. Slightly (mostly?) offended by everything I've written here so far is a major green flag. Funny and fit. Please do not care what my hobbies are or how I slept. I don't care about your race, don't care about your hair colour or any other specific attributes; if you're funny and attractive then I'm good. If you have goddamn interests and opinions and are willing to tell me about them, even better. If you have appalling politics I won't listen politely.

I promise I'm a lot more [disconcertingly, jarringly] self-aware than I seem. I'm married etc etc. I do bite sometimes.