Do you want a buddy that gets the job done? That's hassle-free? Someone that literally no one will ever compliment you on because it's just between us? Look no further! 

Features on offer… a taste in music born in the eighties that loves strong guitars, powerful voices, and a dash of orchestral energy. Or The Blues Brothers soundtrack. Ots of time for connections (Work from home) but not a huge amount of energy (due to prescription medication). Alabaster skin that melts in the Scottish sun (so at around 17C/62F). The inability to drive a car except in video games. And can take a bit of time to reply, even when the 'read' tick appears in chat.

Once upon a time I found someone who could make me make strange noises. That was a fun night. Then the noisemaker moved on, and I looked for that noise. I never found it again, but I did find other noises, knocks, bangs, and weird whistles. 

History? Yes, I have that A fair bit actually so there's always a crazy tale of things done for most situations. Or I can spin a yarn and you might not know the difference. What am I old enough to do? Vote? Yes.  Consent to (things that make noises)? Yes. Remember a time before the internet? Yes. Draw a pension? No. 

Let's be honest, I'm not going to knock out everyone in a room with dashing good looks. But those who like a (err…) rugged Scotsman, with a salt 'n'pepper beard, who does have a kilt, and knows how to catch a haggis… I can start to knock them out. Or at least make them wobble a bit (perhaps even with a strange noise).

 I think I'm meant to say something cringe here to finish off. Nope, I'm simple and straightforward. So this is the end, and now it's over to you.