Fair Warning: I’m Married.

I hope that made you laugh, I like to start conversations off with some humor.

Any who, I’m a stranger on the internet who would love to get into a complicated entanglement with you. I can offer messages at frequencies which may be a little too quick, sarcasm, and belly laughing.

What I can also offer is empathy and the willingness to engage emotionally, beyond surface level pleasantries. I won’t lie, I’ve had a hard life. Born into poverty, I’ve experienced homelessness in childhood, food insecurity blah blah blah. What all of that has taught me is to have one hell of a sense of humor and to be kind to others.

I can be the shoulder you cry on, and the shoulder you rest your ankles on. But I’m more than just a multi-function shoulder. I also have other physical features which include but are not limited to the following:

Eyes

Ears

A beard

Some hands and arms and legs and stuff

A butt

And of course the obligatory central nervous system.

I’m very tall, awkwardly tall, the kind of height that makes most reasonably sized humans say “Wow” but not that kind of height that makes NBA Teams say things like “sign here”.

I’m white (boring I know) I’m a good man, at least as good of a man that I can be while cheating on my wife.

Okay maybe im actually an okayish man, but I have room in my heart for you and I hope you have room in your heart for me. I am profoundly broken but hilariously high functioning. I can’t turn this thing off, trust me Ive tried.

I don’t want a passing fling, I hope you are in my life tomorrow, a month from now, and several years from now as well. I’m not a cake eater, but I’m also not looking to change anything.

If any of this drivel seemed remotely appealing to you, drop me a line and let’s see if we click. Bonus points to ladies who mention the color 7 in their message.

Oh and I have a good job and I don’t fuck dogs or children or stalk people or any of that crazy nonsense. In case any of that is important.