So, here I am, 37 years old, scrolling through this corner of the internet where people pour their hearts out like it’s group therapy with less Kleenex. Thought I’d join in, since clearly, nothing says “I’ve got it together” like crowdsourcing my emotional needs to total strangers. Maybe it’s time I started crafting my own overly dramatic, slightly cringe-worthy love saga.

I’ve been watching people share their tragic yet oddly specific love lives on here for a while now, and I figured, why not add my own disaster to the pile? After all, we’re all here to either complain about the same type of things.

At 37, I’m a little late to the OnlineAffairs circus. I see the posts about “deep emotional connections” and “flirty messages,” and I’m over here wondering if that’s code for “ghost me after three messages” or “convince me you’re not a cereal killer.” But who knows? Maybe I’ll be the lucky one who meets their future affair after two weeks of messaging about the weather and our mutual existential dread.

So, where’s the secret formula for this magical digital connection? Should I open with a witty remark about the downfall of humanity or just jump straight into sending GIFs of cute animals? Seems like most people here are balancing between poetic confessions and vague humblebrags about how “good” they are. I’d like to think I’m somewhere in between—realistic enough to know how this probably ends, but self-deprecating enough to still play along.

Anyway, if anyone wants to exchange banter before inevitably ghosting or spiraling into an emotional monologue, I’m here for it. After all, isn’t that what we’re all doing here anyway?