Good afternoon you filthy animals. I’m the perfect blend of funny and perverted. I’m an incredible blend of sane and crazy. I like to live on the edge sometime but I also like order. I like to have a plan for the day but I enjoy spontaneous things. I’m looking for the sweet to my salty, the bitter to my bite. I’m looking for someone of legal age. Closer to mine usually means we have more in common but I’m open to older and younger. Color or size or religion doesn’t matter. I’m looking for someone who wants to start online but has a desire to meet in person. Even if it’s just once a year. I would love to eventually meet and take the physical to the next level. I’m looking for a pocket wife. Someone who I can tell you what color panties to wear for the day. I want to hear about what you had for lunch. What small thing is bothering you. Voice call. Video calls. Memos. Notes. All the things. Obviously the obligatory “I don’t want to change our situation” bit isn’t that what we want? I don’t want to implode anyone’s home life. I don’t want you to implode mine. I want someone who desires to keep this a secret. When you message me. Tell me your favorite movie. Last thing that made you cry. Also, what color your current undies are. So I know you read this!