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I keep coming back. Maybe I'm a masochist. Or maybe I just need her more than I've ever realized. I put up a post this week that literally said it would be my last. Not in a bad way. I was trying to put out those positive vibes that she'd finally see it. I also told myself if she didn't then that's what's meant to be.
But fuck that. I don't except it. I make my own luck. I know she's out there. We'll preferably here. And I'm not giving up. I need someone who understands what it's like to not be totally happy but also not miserable at the same time. Someone who excepts that though my job is important and professional, when I'm not here I'm a total goofball. Someone who understands that perfection means that everyone is broken and we are all a little weird. Someone who can except that I can be quite nerdy but I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. Someone who wants me to be there protector and safe space. This is what I have to offer her. This is what she will get. I don't hide who I am. I am and will always be a wreck of a man looking for the siren that will save me from sinking deeper.
I'm 36, 6'1 with tattoos and a beard. I don't have a 6 pack. You want to know why? Because I don't need one. I'm a brute of a man with the heart of a bear brain of a squirrel. If this is not what you need then you aren't her.
But if you are her, I'll still be here waiting.
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