Probably not, but you never know, right?

I’m not going to rattle on about why I’m here, for now, just know I want an emotional/friendly connection before any others. I’ve made a list for your viewing pleasure and ease of reading. That means actually read it and see if it applies to you before sending me a chat of your body parts. K? Thanks.

List of polite requests(demands) of you:

• Please be able to carry on a conversation without just interviewing me for my life story. I love to banter and flirt back and forth. If you can do a healthy mix of “get to know you” and banter at once, you’re my guy. I’m looking for someone that can make my eyes roll, and no, I won’t clarify that statement. Take it how you will.

• Be able to string together a mostly correct and coherent sentence. I’m not requiring a PhD here, but the Oxford comma is sexy🔥

• Be able to message more than once or twice every couple of hours. I understand that we’re adults and parents and I don’t expect 24/7 conversations, but I would like some consistency. If you’re busy, communicate it beforehand. I know the goal is to find someone and form a connection that makes us long for each other, but don’t make me miss you all the time.

• Be married, attractive, HWP, taller, and older than me(probably no older than 45). It’d also be cool if you were a dad. We could talk about our mutual joy and suffering, plus dads are hot.

Now, your prize for passing all of the above, ✨me✨:

• Married and a mom.

• 5’3” (short but feisty, so try me), on the smaller end of HWP, dark hair, dark eyes, and tattoos.

• Fluent in sarcasm with a touch of dark humor. Steer clear if you’re offended easily.

Other miscellaneous demands: don’t message me if you’re happy in your marriage. I’m happy for you, really, it’s just not my thing. Also, don’t ask me to move platforms 30 seconds after meeting you, the answer is no. If I haven’t scared you off by now, then shoot me a chat and I’ll see if I can scare you off some other way. If you’ve messaged me before, feel free to try again. I do my best to get through requests, but I don’t like talking to several people at once. Make your reply hard for me to ignore and I’ll get to you quicker. Low effort and copy/paste responses need not reply.