All right, here's the deal. I'm a thoroughly domesticated gent, on the hunt for a professional, discreet dame between the ages of 33 and 50 to play the part of my digital diva. You should be prepared for some good old online courtship, but who knows - if the stars align, we might just meet in person!
Now, I might not be the spitting image of George Clooney(or even close), but my charisma can make a spoon swoon. I can string a sentence together, and my jokes are so funny, they're prescribed for clinical depression. I'm on the lookout for a similar breed of female.
For your, and my convenience, here is a list of things I'd like in a girlfriend and not like.

1. You must be completely bald, and by that, I mean not a single strand of hair anywhere on your head. I don't care if you're currently Rapunzel, I expect a total chrome dome. No wigs, no extensions, no "I'll shave it tomorrow, cross my heart and hope to die"
2. You should be fluent in at least seven languages, including Latin and Ancient Greek. If you can't recite Homer's Iliad in its original dialect while cooking spaghetti carbonara, you're not the one for me.
3. You should be a certified supermodel. I'm not, but hey, who said life's fair? I don't demand you to be a gym rat, but if you're a "sit on a couch and finish a whole season of Netflix in one sitting" kind of woman, you're out.
4. Height is crucial. I want my woman to be at least 6'5". I'm not a basketball player, but I do enjoy the occasional climb.
5. No techies, trekkies. It's just not my kind of woman. I'm sure there are legions of men here who are into that, though.
6. You must be, err... considerably well-endowed. And by that, I mean your, um, bosom should be capable of serving as a flotation device in case of a water landing. If you're thinking you can sneak in with your "petite pair" until I'm too besotted to care, you're sorely mistaken.
7. Show me you're not just another bot. What's your favorite quadratic equation and why?
8. I need you to be in the Eastern time zone of the US. I am, and it makes our scheduled daily telepathy sessions a lot more convenient. No meanies. I'm a nice lad and I like my women to be nice. You can still be feminine and be nice. And that's it. Sounds doable, right?