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Hi ladies, it’s Lance. Lance Schittcrocker. Yes, THEE Lance Schittcrocker, world famous spaceman, surgeon, and lion tamer. The man who ran a four minute mile on Mercury (nice alliteration eh?), the only man to perform multiple, simultaneous open heart surgeries, and the only lion tamer who doesn’t hide a pistol down his pants.
But Lance, you say, what’s a guy like YOU doing here?? Don’t you have it all? Almost. I’m just missing the same thing you are. And here’s your chance to snag the big one. But Lance, you say, surely I could never measure up to a man of your accomplishments. Who among us ladies could?
Don’t stress babe, all you really have to do is ask me about my day, or show me you want to be there for me. For example, you might say Oh Lance honey, will you text me when you get back from Saturn? And I’ll say No babe…… I’ll CALL you FROM Saturn.
Or
O Lance, did you REALLY bite that lion? And I’ll say Well, that sure as hell ain’t MY blood on these britches.
That’s all there is to it. In return you’ll find me very affectionate, loving, and attentive, in addition to my obvious qualities of intelligence, bravery, and wit.
So just send a chat and let me show you around the stars.
Free autographed picture of me lounging by the pool on the space station in my space trunks
Or
One of me in the cage with a lion, wearing only my britches, whip in one hand, little stool in the other (foot stool kind of stool not stool sample kind of stool).
Lance is 56 and when not in space he can be found in beautiful Eastern Ontario.
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