Met a 44 yo a few weeks ago and everything was bliss. He was different from what I normally go for but he was beautiful. The wrinkles around his eyes, the grays in his hair, his smile, was all mesmerizing for me. But yesterday he ended things so abruptly and so harsh. My mental state has been very rocky this week as it’s my father’s death anniversary and my depression is severely bad but I said something mean and I shouldn’t have. I’m heart broken because I didn’t get to tell him everything I wanted to say. How beautiful he was to me, I wanted to caress his face and admire him. I wanted to get him a birthday cake and buy him flowers. So much I wanted to do that I won’t be able to now. I messed up yes but I wish people would be more understanding of my grief and depression as I work on it. Not excusing what I said but I’d hope for compassion. My dream of loving an older man will never come.