Wife here :)

Alright y'all! Been through another wave of people to see what a good fit may be like for us. Probably better if you refresh yourself on our other posts if you want to understand this one, but I can't make you lol. I just wanted to say a few things in light of recent events and I'm hoping someone somewhere can learn from common issues we're seeing. I have talked to SO many people. I have had the same conversation(s) probably close to a thousand times over the last few months since we've started this journey. With that being said, here's some helpful insight:

If you're in a relationship, please just tell me up front, not the day before we're supposed to meet after you let me think you were single for a week or even more. We'll deal with relationships on a case-by-case basis. It really just depends, but please don't mislead me and hope I won't change my mind because I'm "in too deep".

I figured it would be pretty common sense, but I see this WAY too much. Don't bring up being better than my husband, us running off together, etc. My husband is allowing me to talk to you and get to know you, and even talking to you FIRST. I don't need to tell you that a lot of husbands don't and won't ever do that, so I'd like to think he's pretty cool. I'm not cheating on him, he'll be there, so you don't have to worry about him finding out and having to deal with a pissed off husband coming after you. So why would you use this as an opportunity to repeatedly discuss me possibly leaving him for you? I don't know if it's just some of you pushing the whole cuck/humiliation thing, but that's just not what we're about. He's the one who is giving me the opportunity to talk to you, I do not understand why some people are trying to disrespect my already too generous husband like that. For what reason? That could have been your homie, dude lol. Feelings are fine as long as they progress normally and you don't make them into a problem. I'm not leaving, and if you see that as a challenge or can't understand, please don't even reach out.

Obviously I want a connection, but please don't hype me up and make me think things are going well when they're not. If what I want is not what you want, don't pretend it is to save my feelings or to try and get something out of me anyway. Tell me what you're wanting, not wanting, or what I can do better. Men say they can't read a woman's mind, but women can't read yours either. Help me help you. Please just don't let me get excited and let put in so much work just to bail on me last minute without explanation. I am so understanding, I just need the communication. I have such little experience with guys I barely know what the hell I am doing. Just give me some grace, I am trying to learn.

Also, a connection doesn't mean heavily getting to know each other for a little bit to establish if we're compatible enough to meet, then no contact for days or weeks and still expecting to meet up. No honey, I said I wanted to meet when you were in it as much as I was. I knew you for two whole days before you started acting like a stranger again. That makes me think you're not interested and only in it for a hookup. Eventually I'll remove you if I haven't talked to you for a while. If you wanna be touched, stay in touch lol. I'm after something long term, so you gotta give me long term energy. If that seems like a lot, you're reading too deep into it. I just need some consistent effort. That's what I'm giving and I need someone who can match that. I want to be consistently excited about someone.

It's discouraging to constantly waste my time, energy, and money. I'm usually the one sending the most pics and keeping up most of the conversation. I'm traveling to wherever you're located 99% of the time to keep my business more private. On more than one occasion, I have talked to a nice guy, established a great connection, determined we wanted to meet, and then we book, pay for, and take time off to make it happen... then they completely bail, give me detrimental information, or can't make the time for me when I've come all that way and done so much. I understand life happens as I'm always being pulled in a million different directions, but COMMUNICATE. I don't just want to meet anyone who wants to meet me. I'd be 400 bodies in by now. So if I'm wanting to meet you, I'm serious. I don't just say it to anyone who wants to hear it. Meeting is a huge deal for me because I don't want to waste anyone's time. If I'm meeting you, there is insane potential. I don't even really let that conversation happen until I think it could really be something.

What everyone needs to understand is I'm not missing ANYTHING in my relationship. This experience was something my husband brought to me, not the other way around. I was perfectly fine with a "normal" relationship before. I've been having fun, but it is so tiring to have people waste my time when I am trying to be so open and up front about what I'm wanting, needing, and able to give. No, I'm not chasing anyone, but I'm not hard to catch myself. There is SO MUCH wiggle room if you just ACT RIGHT. And that doesn't mean a specific way, it just means think about what you're doing and saying. If it's shitty or disrespectful, just don't.

I know this may seem like a lot, but I'm dealing with this DAILY so think about how I feel lol. Judging by how things are going, I imagine there might be a couple more posts on what NOT to do. However I'm hoping that will change sometime soon. Until then, keep your fingers crossed for me and for all the other perfectly good men/women out there who feel like it just isn't working out for them. Hopefully better things are coming!