Dating is a pain for me. On the plus side, I’m single with no kids, I've got a good job (white collar), own my home, own my car, have no debt (well, a mortgage) and no criminal record. I don't smoke or do drugs. I like good quality tv shows and movies. I read. I can spell reasonably well and never use phrases like "Sup." Here's me..  So in theory, I’m passably dateable.

Sadly, I'm allergic to dogs, cats and birds and can't live with them. How many single women do you know that don't have an animal? Hence my problem. Add to that my allergy to smoking and vaping. I can't be anywhere near smokers/vapers. Kinda thins the field for me.

The irony is that I'm otherwise healthy. 5'11", 195 lbs, fit (work out 3 to 4 times a week). I’ve got good energy and a high sex drive. Most of the guys I know my age are a mess, but I’m not falling apart anytime soon.

Other stuff. I’m devoutly non-religious. I despise Orange Jesus and all of his sycophantic enablers. I’m intellectually omnivorous and interest-ADD. I’ll get engrossed in one hobby and move on to another just as I start getting good at it. (Does that make me a hobby whore? Yeesh…) I love words, and one of the two things I have from my childhood is a massive dictionary I stole from my family. (The other thing is a Tonka dump-truck in shockingly good condition.) I will drag you to a Shakespeare play at least once a year, with or without your consent. I know many nerd things. I have zero interest in sports, which basically makes me an apostate in Cleveland. I work from home and love it. I collected way too many board games during the pandemic (including Pandemic).

So what am I looking for? I’m looking for a woman 25-40 (but I’m flexible on age). I'm attracted to women that are also healthy. I’m not looking for perfect, but if your dress size is double-digits, you’re not for me. Non-smoker, non-drug user. Intellectually curious and a good communicator (this is a MUST). Willing to play some of my board games so I don’t feel so guilty about buying them. Capable of making me feel better about myself when I probably don’t deserve it, and willing to knock me down a peg when I get cocky (and without enjoying how easy it is). It would help greatly if an intellectually stimulating conversation makes you want to get your hair pulled. (And if you have to ask, you just don’t know.) Be comfortable with yourself, laugh a lot and enjoy the fact that smacking your ass means I like you.

For those that made it this far, hazzah!

EDIT: The guy who wrote this used way too many parentheses (and his so fired).