I AM NOT THE OP!!!

THIS IS SHARED FROM r/trueoffmychest

I messed up and I ruined my marriage

I'm not looking for pity or understanding here. I know I'm not getting it. Me and my ex-wife have a 14 month old son. After he was born our marriage fell apart. She said I wasn't pulling my weight with childcare and chores but at the same time she expected me to know what to do without her telling me. It was bad. We argued a lot and I ended up telling her that her life would be harder without me. She got really quiet and I thought that was the end of the argument. It made things fall apart and we are getting divorced. We're living separately, each got a new apartment. As for our son the law in our state [Kentucky] is that 50/50 is the default for custody. It is automatic unless one parent proves neglect on the part of the other. We don't have that so on the advice of both our lawyers we are splitting time and doing alternating weeks since we separated. We usually switch on Mondays with the daycare pickup and drop off.

I knew being a single parent wasn't easy but I didn't really know until now. This is where I realize how badly I fucked up because I'm drowning. The weeks I have my son I don't get anything done and I can barely even function at work because I'm so exhausted. I spend the whole week I don't have him catching up and I can't even get everything done. My apartment is a mess and I can hardly keep up with errands and chores. It sucks. I realize I fucked up because I thought since I was having a hard time my wife would be too and we could call off the divorce and work on things. But she doesn't want to. She says her life is easier without me and she is the opposite of me and can apparently keep up everything fine. She says she isn't exhausted anymore and realized it's easier having one person to take care of instead of 2.

I know I messed up and should have been a better husband. I can't even ask for less time with my son because I can't afford the child support. Right now neither of us has any because of 50/50 and equal income but if we go off 50/50 my lawyer says the person with less time will get child support. I hate myself for fucking up so much. Obviously this is a throwaway. Wtf did I do?