I'll introduce muna. I'm pansexual(M20) and sobrang rare ko lang magkacrush coz i basically based my feelings through connections and the energy we give to each other ganun. And then, i have this happy crush which is like since elem pa crush ko na siguro siya. Yung tipong i just love seeing him smile and be happy ganun and just that. He's the cutest thing ever. Alam ko naman like he's straight and hangouts with the cool guys ganun pero i know deeply he's the wholesome one. Sobrang talino, genuine, mabait, maayos niya. From grade 7 - 9 kasi private school ako and then grade 10 lumipat ako public school na parang science high school ganun and it was funny coz suddenly naging classmate ko nanaman siya!. Sadly, nung senior high hindi na pero since it's just like a small school i still see him everyday sa school. It was just purely happy crush ganun and i just love seeing his smiles.

I don't know how to feel about the sudden stares we share to each other. I always question myself kung dahil lang ba happy crush ko siya kaya i want to feel na may soemthing sa stares and smiling namin to each other? or it's just a wholesome thing? I was an athlete before nun and minsan he watches our training and hindi talaga maiiwasan na tumingin ako sa kanya and every dismissal makakasalubong ko siya sa court ganun i always look at him and slight smile ganun. May mga time na a 3 second stare na feel mo ang tagal i dont if that's weird or it is something. I understand this is like inaappropriate about this stuff since i know naman he's straight ganun. I just can't stop it coz i just like looking at him talaga and nasasaktuhan minsan na nahuhuli niya ako nakatingin sa kanya ganun.

And then pandemic happened, so to cut the story short, naadd ako sa server nilang magbabarkada coz of among us. And then months later, i have this crazy idea of adding him sa discord and shit inaccept niya agad??? knowing na hindi namin kami close. Casually we know each other lang. This is kinda crossing the line coz minsan everytime that nakikita ko he's listening to spotify i will listen along din. To be honest, hindi ko alam na makikita pala niya yun HAHAHA. And then dunno inistop ko na lang din since nakakahiya and baka inappropriate pala yung ganun. Also, i love music kasi eh so i would love to listen others music discography ganun. If sa aming buong barkada, ako lagi malalabel as "Groovy" coz i have god-tier music taste like indie stuff. So going back, since pandemic and nagcollege na and shit hindi ko na siya naktia ng personal for like two years ganun.

Not until today, nagbonding kami ng friends ko like samgy and then picnic and coffee after. Tas nung nasa fields na kami nun napagusapan din namin siya coz yung place na yun katabi nun is yung subdivision kung san sila nakatira. And it was like funny kasi halos lahat kami crush namin siya ganun. He's very dreamy talaga din eh kahit maliit lang siya hahaha. Tapos nung nagbuy na kami ng coffee around din dun sHITT DUMATING SIYA AND NAGORDER DIN NG COFFEE KASAMA KUYA NIYA. We we're like "oMG! We were just like talking about him kanina" HAHAHA. And damn sobrang namiss ko yung smile niya. Grabe kilig ko nun. Yung ibang guy friends na kasama namin is medyo kaclose siya since nakakasama nila maglaro ng league. Tas nung paalis na siya, we glanced and smiled at each other. It literally made my day and basically needing that this year hahaha. I was just happy to see that smile again. Sana malaman niya how his smile make someone's a beautiful day.

Also, I already thought about confessing to him on how he is making my day by just looking at him pero that would be creepy af hahaha and knowingly na he's straight ganun. Considering the factor of rejection din and possibility na iwasan niya ako is such a terrifying thing for me. Losing your happy crush is one of the things that i can't afford to lose. I just let it be ganun or kung magkaroon man ng fate if ever mangyari ibang fantasies ko haha joke. Pero sobrang kuntento na ako na nakikita ko siya and just orbiting around him ganun kahit sa discord lang ganun. I'm okay to be stuck like a moon glancing the earth ganun. Im open to any discussions about this coz baka it may seem unhealthy and not appropriate ganun. Pero wala naman ako ginagawang masama and natatapakan na tao so ayun.