Probably not the first rant about the PHr4r. I mean, yeah, we all know it's a subreddit with a highly disproportionate male to female gender ratio heaping with posts comprising of either no strings attached coitus, unreliable trial and error matchmaking, and aspirations to look for some genuine connections in their life. Of course, judgement on the demographics has been cast with comments on men being "horny" and the women being "entitled." Then again, it's how it goes especially if it's explicitly stated that it's "each to his/her own" and "be picky as you want." Am I right? I mean, it does make sense. If we know what's going to satisfy us and make us bleeding happy then go for it.

Though, of course, we cannot deny the existence of other people there who would be posting with genuine intentions. Often, seen as a rare breed in a sewer full of rats with uncontained libido. I've been posting there since 2017 and to be honest I have donned both hats. Though a thing that has been consistent in my postings is that I make sure that it feels genuine and authentic making the reader feel that there is an actual living and breathing person behind it be it an invitation for sex or a relationship.

Yes, the pattern of rejection can get tiring and to some extent it might even start affecting your mental health. Sometimes, I even stay on the subreddit late in the wee hours of the night because my mind is seeking for spontaneity in my rather mundane life while all the while not noticing that the subreddit is a pattern in itself that may start affecting one's life pattern. Though I guess what's much worse is the feeling of isolation and self doubt. That feeling that you're not what society generally deems attractive and desirable.

At this point, I'm pretty much used to the rejections. It's okay. I'm desensitized by comments such as "You're cute but you're not my cup or tea". It's okay, I get that. I'd even appreciate the blunt honesty much more than the sugar coated politeness. It saves us all time, energy, and resources instead of subjecting ourselves to painfully awkward situations.

Though if there is one thing I cannot stand are people who lead you onto something then flake out. I mean I get it if it's something sexual or something you might deem uncomfortable or dangerous. Of course, you have every right to run away from it. However, this is exactly why you have to communicate and state your intentions, terms, and conditions explicitly, precisely, and clearly prior to having something actually happen!

Again, I post on phr4r with my genuine and authentic feelings because what I offer them is also something genuine and authentic. I plan the budget, I craft the itinerary, I research on activities, I map out the commute and the trips, I practice how to interact with people! I just find it horribly appalling that people want something real and they can't be expected to be real themselves.

Tonight, I am writing this rant because of the things I lost today. I could have seen a showing of a silent film with live music and foley performance in a film festival, I could have tutored the children in my community in preparation for their exams, I could have taken a shot in a blind date that my friend set-up for me, I could have visited my grandmother in Pampanga, I could have been writing my book report, I could have been out and about with my friends with drinks.

but no

I'm typing this in a cold dimly lit airbnb alone by myself with the ruined hope that tonight might be different from my other nights. I am slouched on this bed pondering on the horrible and crippling state of this human condition to want and be wanted.

Then again, what did you expect? It's phr4r.