I am not new to ghosting. Nearly normal na siya like celebrating Christmas every year.

Dumating ka, to cut it short, all were genuine. We talked about our history in dating, sabi ko, lagi ako nago-ghost, so if may plano ka tumigil, sana sabihin mo sakin.

Nangako ka, na magiging totoo ka. Pinangako mo na kung gusto mo na tumigil sasabihin mo.

Wala tayo naging problema.

Pero bigla ka nawala.

I emailed you, lahat ng gusto ko sabihin, contained, mature, yet vulnerable. I also messaged you on Instagram to be sure, I asked you to check your email,

Sabi ko sa email, if wala ka sagot after a week or two, I'll take your silence as your answer and will move on. I thanked your for being kind, and for making me see a spark.

Sabi ko nga, sanay nako maghost, I learned to give just enough, I learned na magtira ng onti para sa sarili ko.

Pero with you, it felt different. I've dated other guys longer, pero iba yung naramdaman ko sayo. We never had any disagreements, we both understand each other, be can look each other straight into the eye.

We both know each others' history. I am prone to ghosting for God-knows-what-reason, and you were single for a very long time.

I asked you ONE THING and that is NOT to ghost me. I assured you that if you ever feel na you want to stop. You can be honest with me and you can tell me that you want out.

All that assurances, yet you left me hanging.

You disappeared.

Tulad nga ng sabi ko kanina, hindi ako bago sa ghosting. 70% of the time na ghosghost ako ng mga taong gusto ko. Natuto ako magbigay ng tamang halaga, natuto ako mag tira sa sarili ko.

Tulad ng sabi ko, it felt different with you. I felt like I can be, after a very long time, be vulnerable again.

Bakit mo ginagawa? Kahit alam mo kung gano nako kapagod.

Handa naman ako tumigil kasabay mo, kailangan ko lang ng salitang nagsisigurado na "tama na, itigil na."

Maaring sasabihin ng iba na people don't owe me an explanation. Na despite our "connection" we can still choose to leave and we should take that as just that, equal to than of a verbal answer.

Ang hirap. Sanay nako eh. O atleast napaniwala ko sarili ko na sanay nako.

May "self-love" streak nako eh, nagawa ko na makipagdate, pag di nagwork, I'll be fine and sleep at night like a baby.

Mas okay nako ngayon compared sa umpisa ng August. Sumabay ka sa ibang problema ko. Pero ayun, tulad ng sabi ni Ate sa isang Rec Create content "Nilapitan ko, all those beautiful and precious people. And lahat ng hinahanap ko from you, they gave it to me."

Sana mapagpatuloy ko buuin ulit sarili ko, nakabuo nako eh. Nagagawa ko na, pero the moment na sinubukan ko ulit maniwala, dumating ka para sirain yun.

Disappointed, pero hindi ako galit sayo.

Salamat sa paalala na hindi pako tapos buuin ang sarili ko.

Sana, balang araw, maging maayos ang lahat.

Sa ngayon, salamat sa kilig at pagbibigay glimpse sa future na baka makahanap ulit ako ng tao na tulad mo.

Salamat kasi lalo ko hinigpitan yung hawak ko sa mga taong nagmamahal sakin.

Salamat, at paalam Carlos.