Im 23, gay, flamboyant, not a cross-dresser, jowable and cute. But ever since i have tried to talk with someone, i just dont know what to feel. There is this feeling na 'shet ano sasabihin ng family ko' (btw im out and they know but im not sure how would they take it if ever i bring a boy home)

I recently got my bachelor's degree now and currently waiting to be hired in this institution i applied for. Ewan ko pero i always have this thought na 'magkakajowa pa kaya ako?' 'Will i ever feel loved?' Kasi being gay is hard enough, and harder when finding someone who you can share your love with. I have envied my gay friends who easily find jowa right after they break up with their current jowas. And me, wala as in wala. I always pray for this thing and i guess may mga tao sigurong hindi lovable. And i am one of them. Hehe I have tried dating apps and fortunately enough got plenty of matches but it stops right there. A match, nothing more nothing less. Kasi gusto ko sila mag first move only because i dont know how to start or do the first move. 😭 also, im thinking na i cant commit yet due to financial issues and family probs kasi i see these as problems that would affect my future relationships. Helpppp i want to talk with someone badly 😭😭😭