But I also don't have the energy to tell anyone the truth anyway -- that I'm crumbling under so much internalized pressure, and I'm weighed down by the kind of exhaustion that no amount of sleep can fix.

There's only so many ways I can communicate how hollow I feel, and there's only so much other people can do for me at the end of the day. I know only I can pull myself out of this rut. I don't (or shouldn't) need anyone else to stand on my own. At the same time, I'm beyond tired of picking myself up over and over again. So I'm still here in my little rut, agonizing on my own, too anhedonic and depressed to get myself out or ask for help.

I don't want to die or end my life. Not anymore. I just want time to pause for a moment because I feel like I haven't been able to take a real breath in a very long time.

But what can you do? The world waits for nobody. Life moves on. So I just try to survive each day.

And hope to God I get the chance to breathe again soon.