My life is lonely and empty. That had always been the case, but all my life there were people telling me otherwise - "life is good", giving me false hope - "you'll find something that suits you / someone who loves you for who you are", and distracting me from the truth - "stop thinking and just keep doing things". I can't, I won't fall for that anymore. They claim to care about me but nobody cared enough to ask about what I like and how I feel. Instead, I've been told what to like, what to feel, what to want, what not to want.

I am so unhappy because for more than 30 years my body, my mind, my life weren't even mine. My soul is disconnected from all of that, and they want me to focus on real life status and activities? As if my body defines me, or reflects who I really am. As if my soul had anything to do with all the expectations they impose on me. No, they don't care about me, they only care about appearances. Every well-meaning person, every last do-gooder out there. They're all liars and snakes. They say they'll support you but disappear when you need help. They'll even root for the people abusing you. Fuck them. Fuck society that breeds these soulless, heartless people. All they know is conformity. Even when they rebel, they follow trends, it's disgusting. Freethinkers think the same way, it's ridiculous.

There's nothing for me anywhere. Nobody on my side who understands me. I don't need someone to feel all my pain but just understand where it's coming from. They assume it's anxiety or chemical imbalance. They can't even imagine that it's society causing harm to people who are only slightly different. They defend unfair and ineffective systems tooth and nail while stepping on living, breathing human lives. Preferring the dead to the living.

I'm done with feeding that beast system. Just let me die stained in humanity.