For some background, I’m 24, husband is 25, we have 2 small kiddos and are pregnant with our 3rd. We’ve been together for 2 years, married for 1.5 years.

I’ve gone through a very drastic change in my Christian faith. I’m pretty much bare-bones beliefs at this point and can’t believe or trust anything that Man instructs because I’ve just seen so many examples of abuse in this regard. I believe that a God created the universe, maybe that Jesus was real, but the only thing from the Bible I remotely believe and trust is the Red Letters. And even then, I’m not 100%, but those ideas seem mostly love so I allow them to be present in my space. My husband is Christian, but really in name only. He drinks (socially, not habitually), we have a somewhat open marriage, he curses, pretty much just does whatever and it’s fine with me. But he believes he’s going to hell for all of this. Okay fine. But then he feels sometimes uncomfortable with my change of perspective that I don’t believe in hell, or all the rules associated with sin and Christianity. Which doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. If he’s going to do what he wants anyway and go to hell, what in the world does it matter what I believe? He cites the “unequally yolked” bit from the Bible. But he holds no actual behavioral patterns consistent with any part of Christianity or following Jesus, which I don’t care if he does, but then turning around and telling me I’m wrong because I don’t believe certain specific things?

He’s in no way forceful about these things. I am not loud and flamboyant about these changes but I’ve shared some of what I’ve been processing. He’s pretty quiet and does actually agree with most of these concepts I’ve come to adopt, but has fear, which is understandable and I’m not trying to convince him of anything. But even my own mother, he told me, basically told him that he might have to divorce me if it gets to a point where I’m an atheist and we’re “unequally yolked”. Which is so extreme.

I feel like I love him better now, because I’m not just hopelessly groveling for love and acceptance and denying myself and my feelings. Although I’m still a shell of who I used to be before I got into all this “red pill Christianity” type shit, I’m much stronger now that I’ve pushed those things away. It’s like this “because the Bible tells me so” type shit that’s just unbearable, but nothing else he does is in line with that book or beliefs.

This is in no way some kind of immediately impending event, as we are happy and he’s generally accepting. But I don’t always feel like I can share 100% of my experience of life because I don’t want to “freak him out”. It’s hard and heartbreaking and really just reaffirms why I’ve grown to reject Man’s (as in humanity) rules and manipulation of those around them to perform in a specific capacity that affirms what they already believe.