Hindi ako nasanay magpahinga. When I think about it, most of my elementary days I've been pressured to excel, I've been tutored, plus I have time to play. Highschool, the same pressure was still there, the tutor was gone but extracurriculars came in. I also had fair share of relationships then. College, the pressure was still there but I learned to not let it get to me. Madami akong gala and gimik noon. Non-stop drinking and going out with friends. Barely home. Then I graduated, after a few months I found a job. It was not that demanding but still it kept me busy. All this while still being in a relationship and dealing, well by ignoring, the family problems at home. The thing is, while all of these were happening, sometimes I would have thoughts of ending it all. I was just tired. Not physically but you get my point. It's hard to explain. But somehow having all this work distracted me from those thoughts. Even got tattoos that really helped with maintaining my wrists clean. But now, I left my job, also no relationship, stuck at home, can't enroll, ito na pinakamalalang pahinga ko. And although my body is resting, my mins isn't. The thoughts are slowly creeping in again. I need another distraction... Kailangan ko na uli maging busy. Ayoko na pala magpahinga, baka tuluyan nakong mamahinga...