I’ve (F20) been talking to this guy (M22) for over a year. (On and off kasi I kept breaking it off because of big fights.) Classmate ko pa. We were clear that there will be no other people involved. Exclusive, kumbaga. The usual landian, eating together, kind of stuff. He constantly assured me that he isn’t talking to other girls, and if he is, it’s just for school-related things. He’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but he was gentle sa manner ng pagkausap sa akin and he was the first guy in years that I bothered talking to, so I gave him a chance and got attached. Biggest mistake of my life.

This August, I saw this girl in his recent chats and had my doubts about her. Tinanong ko kung sino yun and he told me she was just a friend. Business partner pa nga raw ng kamag-anak niya. Bobo ko rin for buying that excuse because that guy wouldn’t bother talking to a girl he isn’t attracted to. Doon din naman kasi kami nagsimula mag-usap, because of him approaching me, ‘di ba? I got jealous kasi why was he talking to another girl on Instagram? He assured me she was just a friend. (Putang ina, huwag na huwag kayong maniniwala sa “frenny” na ‘yan. A straight man wouldn’t call a girl a “frenny”. Malamang sa malamang, type niya ‘yun kahit pa laitin niya ‘yun sa harap mo.) Even told me that, of course, I was cuter than her.

This September, I found out on social media that he was dating the girl I was worried about while we were still talking. I found out about it because of a freaking TikTok video that the girl posted. He had his back turned to the camera while the girl was looking at him. I had a feeling that it was him because of the hair. But my heart was conflicted. We were still good, weren’t we? I wanted to trust him. My heart wanted so badly for it to be someone else who just looked like him from behind even though the resemblance was too much. But my gut instinct was proven correct when I saw him in the comment section of another TikTok of hers. A fucking 😩 emoji was what finally brought me to my senses.

I confronted him about the other girl. Got into hysterics. But he didn’t even bother answering my call or telling me about it in person. He just told me that “shit happens” kasi bigla lang naging sila, isang buwan pa lang sila magkakilala, at hindi naman daw siya nanligaw sa babae. (Another lie, of course. How the fuck do you suddenly get into a relationship?) He told me that he didn’t have the guts to admit it to me at the time, that they’ve only been official for the past five days, He assured me that for the entire year we were talking, I was the only girl he was talking to. But how could I believe that now that I know about her?

Sige raw, murahin ko siya. So I did. He told me that he hopes one day I would appreciate the fact that he never tried to touch me or be inappropriate with me, that he still tried to take care of me by not taking my virginity. I couldn’t care less about it because all I wanted was for him not to talk to another girl and yet he still did it behind my back. He apologized. Said sorry countless times. Said sorry even on Microsoft Teams. I deeply want to forgive him because it’s so heavy to have to carry the burden of hating him pero hindi pa rin maalis galit ko kasi gusto ko lang naman malaman why he had to do that to me. He told me na hindi ako nagkulang, na kasalanan niya raw, at sana one day mapatawad ko siya.

He left me in pain. I cried and I cried and I cried. I couldn’t eat properly for days because of what I found out. The guilt was eating at me too, because I didn’t want to be the other girl, but he kept talking to me for those five whole days that they were already together and had no plans of telling me about her. No woman deserves to find out that there is another girl in the picture. Sa TikTok ko pa nalaman, na para bang I didn’t even deserve a proper explanation. Na para bang I didn’t even deserve to not be lied to. All I wanted was honesty. All I wanted was for him to come clean and tell me that there was another girl in the picture. I would have accepted it and moved on. Maybe even wished him well.