Posting this after reading the sustento culture thread on r/Philippines.

I am 29 F and the panganay of the family. My dad passed away years ago so ako na main breadwinner after I started working. My mom is working but maliit lang kita and now I think she wants to retire already kahit 50 palang siya.

I supported my sibling who’s only a year younger than me, throughout med school while also giving money to my mother, and now our bunso started college na. He studies in a state university so walang tuition but I am the one giving him allowance and money for his school needs, hingi lang sila sakin if they need anything. I make sure it is more than enough para di naman siya kawawa tulad ko nung ako ung studyante. I buy them appliances pag need nila, contribute to their household expenses even when I’m not living there anymore pero I found out my mom was comparing me to her friends’ children pala. Lahat ng sacrifice ko only to be compared like that. Above average ang kita ko but this is after 9 years of hard work and honestly di pa rin malaki ipon ko dahil tumutulong ako sa kanila. I am fed up sa sustento culture kasi kahit anong bigay ko parang kulang pa rin.

I feel guilty spending money for myself. I feel guilty when I experience good things by myself and feel ko this is because my mother made me feel that I am responsible for all of them.

Di pa ako nagkakaseryosong relationship kasi feel ko di ko deserve magkaron ng own family dahil maraming umaasa sakin. Sobrang lala and now I see my peers getting married and having children tas nalulungkot lang ako for myself HAHAHAHA. Alam ko naman I have a choice pero di lang din kaya ng konsensya ko.

I am so fucking tired of my family pulling me down pero alam ko naman na I’ll be able to earn a lot more in the future and di na maging ganito kabigat ung help ko sa kanila. Sana matapos na to soon.