i had a panic attack again (i already lost track of how many times it happened this year) in school. i was doing fine earlier, i wasn't very anxious with our post test in competency appraisal (bsn sub/board exam review) but when our lecture started, that's when i started feeling the symptoms. nung una pinakiramdaman ko muna yung pulse ko kasi ang bilis. tapos pinacheck ko ulit sa friend ko. confirmed, nagpapalpitate na ako. i tried to calm myself down pero hindi ko magawa kasi maingay sa room. naglelecture yung prof namin tapos naka microphone pa siya kasi 5 sections kaming handle niya. after a while, i collapsed. my classmates thought i was just sleeping but when they tried to move me, my body was weak and i'm already pale.

dinala ako sa clinic. mga ilang minuto rin kaming naghintay sa lobby ng building namin para masundo. umabot pa sa point na sobra na yung panginginig ko. even kuya guards were concerned about me already, they kept calling the service every second. lumapit na rin sa akin yung isa sa program head namin na naging dati kong prof. i doubt she even remember me. she asked me about what happened. and when i told her that i had a panic attack, she gave me some advices and it somehow calmed me down. nabawasan kahit papaano yung panginginig ko.

pagdating sa clinic, inassess ako. medyo uncomfy pa akong sabihin kung ano yung naging dahilan kung bakit na naman ako inatake. sabi ko siguro dahil sa tinatake kong meds. the nurse asked what meds i am taking. wala akong choice kundi sabihin na nagtatake ako ng fluoxetine. after taking my vital signs and history, lumabas siya. maya-maya, may pumasok ulit. taga-guidance naman. apparently the nurse referred me to them since psych yung case ko. nag-ask siya ng mga questions, kung ano naging factor para madiagnose ako, etc. nagwoworry din ako kasi they asked me to come back to the guidance office tomorrow to talk to me about my condition. i really want to finish my study (graduating next year) and stopping now will make me even more depressed. but idk, i'm trying my best to heal.

i feel so guilty. ang dami kong naabala kanina, especially my two closest friends. even some of my classmates visited me sa clinic. i hate wasting other people's time, i really felt like a burden that time.