I’ve been caught up in my own mind games and delusions lately, and nababaliw na ‘ko.

There’s this guy at the gym—super handsome. He’s got the whole package: smart Atenista, tall, wealthy, drives a car, extroverted, outgoing, has tons of friends, super caring—you name it. I could go on and on about him, but you get the idea—he’s the real deal bestie.

Recently, I found something out. On my birthday, I was out with our circle of friends at a restaurant. My social battery hit zero, so I excused myself to step outside for a bit to recharge lang. Tapos not long after, gym guy texts me, asking where I am. He even called, but I was too drained to pick up. I just texted back saying I was outside recharging and would be back soon. He told me to let him know if I needed anything.

Oh diba, that sounds like a normal friend thing, right? But here’s the thing kasi: one of our friends told me that while I was gone, gym guy was actually getting up from our table and was walking and looking around the restaurant looking for me. Lately lang nila sinabi nung inamin ko na medyo nag ggrow na feelings ko for him. Mga enablers kasi sila but they said na totoo naman nangyare yon and they didnt brought it up kasi they didnt think too much of it nung una. Anyway, that caught me off guard because I had already told them I’d stepped out for a bit.

Tapos earlier that day, we were at the gym before our dinner plans. He got me food as a birthday gift—something I asked for naman the day before. But the thing is, we were in the middle of a gym class. A minute or so before class officially started, he was running around looking for me and even asked one of our friends kung nasaan ako and he was frantic about it noon just to give me the food— yung mga friends ko natawa kasi sabi nila inuna pa raw ibigay sakin yung pagkain kesa mag palit muna siya ng damit niya.

So syempre kinilig ako pero lalo lang nag grow yung deluluness ko. I asked my friends if they were in his shoes would they do that din ba? and they said there are boundaries they wouldn’t normally cross and since gym buddies lang naman and yung friendship relatively new a greeting would have sufficed sabi nila. So I reflected on it and sabi nila to just enjoy the ride, but if it’s stressing me out, I should ask him directly.

So ayun nga ginawa ko mga bhie. In the middle of the night after our dinner, I asked him if he’s that nice to everyone. He told me, “I reciprocate the energy I get from people. How I am to you is a reflection of how I perceive you are to me.” He also added that he appreciates and values our friendship, so he’s there for me.

Oh diba ang galing? Pag sinabi ko bang gusto kita gusto mo rin ako ganon ba ‘yon? Charot. Anyway— hindi ko alam ano gagawin ko kasi feeling ko this will be super unhealthy in the long run for me kasi cleary ako may problema.

Anw just to answer na agad the question:

“yes ik may chance in terms of same sex relationship”

“Yes there are moments na ayaw ko ng ilist kung bat naging delulu ako for him but marami rami na rin.”