DR duty namin. I helped the mother to reposition her newborn kasi I noticed na parang malalaglag na yung head from her side breast. She then asked me, “Pakikuha na lang.” Apparently, nangangawit na raw siya. So I did. I hesitated at first, but she seemed to be really uncomfy. Plus, tinatahi yung perineum niya after the delivery.

I trembled. The baby was looking at me, not crying, she’s behaving well. I smiled & asked my groupmates to take her, pasimple lang. Feeling ko nahihilo ako na naiiyak, yet it felt good, though it was also still scary. But they insisted for me to keep holding her.

The first time I held a baby was back in senior high, it was a 3-month-old nephew of my close friend. This 2nd one felt wild, especially since I lost my twins.

Nung first Ward duty namin while I was days fresh from my first miscarriage, our first patient was a mother who just delivered her first child. Everyone surrounded the mother as she was holding her baby. With the dim lights on, the baby raised her arm and everyone was like, “Awww” while I started to silently walk backwards & went to our area’s restroom to breakdown. Paglabas ko, my groupmates silently looked at me with sympathy. One of my friends jokingly said, “Iyak siya ih,” to make the atmosphere feel a bit lighter.