UERM, San Beda, and FEU-NRMF

Ito lang ang med schools na inapplyan ako, I plan on applying pa to 2 other med schools but right now nawawalan na ako gana.

It's been months since I applied sa UERM and hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin nakikita yung pangalan ko sa batch lists. It's been only 1 months since I applied sa San Beda COM and same lang din. I got in FEU-NRMF but I didn't go through with it because of its reputation and how far it is from my home, hanggang sa nawala na yung enrollment period ko.

My mother has been asking for months na kung kailan daw ako mag e-enroll sa mga med schools. I never had the strength to tell her na I haven't gotten in sa 2 choice ko and had to let go FEU-NRMF. I thought I'd just use the school as an excuse because I really don't like the reputation it has as on how they treat their students.

Throughout the months, I told her na I don't want to talk about med school muna and ako na lang bahala, wag na niya ako tanongin about it. Just now, nag tanong siya ulit, and I got pissed off kasi I really don't want to talk about med schools right now because I still haven't gotten in sa San Beda Batch 4 list.

Through out waiting, I developed an anxiety. I never had mental issues before applying to med schools. But the pressure from my parents,. the no assurance of getting into med schools, made me tense, anxious, and now depressed. I don't know if I will ever get in.

I told her na wala pang nag-a-accept ng application ko sa 2 schools na yun and nagalit siya dahil I should've just went daw with FEU-NRMF. I kept telling her my stance about the school, even explained her why I think I would not survive there. She asked if I already told my uncle about this and I told her no. My uncle is the one that is funding my education kasi. He gave me full authority to choose the med school I want. But he was firm na he wants it this school year or hindi na niya ako papaaralin. I am so stressed out right now, so anxious, I want all of this to end na lang.

My parents then told me na umalis na lang ako since wala naman daw ako maaambag sa pamilyang ito kung puro computer and gala na lang inaatupag ko. What they don't know is I have been searching for jobs online and attending interviews for part-times. I am not even sure if I will fully accept a job yet, since my first job interview experience made me feel a bit worthless. They want me to go back to the province ng tatay ko and just live there.

I really want to be a doctor. It's my dream, my passion, my goal. I want to help people, make them better, comfort them, and especially be the kind of doctor that is not driven by money, but by heart. Still, med schools will only look at my academic stats, My NMAT isn't that high, with only below 80, my GWA is barely passing.
It wasn't favorable in the first place. It's breaking my heart to feel so worthless and useless both in my family and society. Right now, I am questioning my worth. Ito na lang ba magagawa ko? Hanggang dito na lang ba ako?