TW: Suicidal thoughts

First time posting here pero gusto ko lang may mapagsabihan kahit mga strangers. Sana bigyan nyo ng oras yung post ko.

I'm 26 years old (M) and was just told by my doctor that I have 3 years left to live. For context, I had a stroke when I was 21 and my body started to become weak as time passed by. Ngayon, my blood vessels are getting thin because of a congenital condition and there's nothing I can do para baguhin yun. However, may mga sinabi yung doctor na pwede kong gawin to possibly prolong the life I have now.

Pero sa takbo ng mga pangyayari sa buhay ko, parang ayoko na. Parang gusto ko nalang i-end now. I mean why put myself through the hardship and pain of my condition kung pwede ko naman na ipahinga yung katawan ko ngayon diba?

I found the woman for me and we split 2 weeks ago. The dog I cared for also died 3 weeks ago. Family is not in the best shape to be there for me kasi lalo lang silang mas-stress kung sasabihin ko sa kanila yung buong katotohanan sa condition ko.

I'm living alone now and was told by my doctor to live life to the fullest while doing drastic changes to give myself the chance of having a healthier body. Yung definition para sa akin ng "live life to the fullest" is me being with the girl I still love and care for so much and having a life with her in the future. But that's out the window now.

Hindi naman ako masamang tao, breadwinner ako ng family namin. I've been told to be a very kind and selfless person pero bakit sa akin binigay ng mundo yung ganto. Wala naman akong pinahirapang tao sa mundong to dahil mostly self-provided yung mga bagay na meron ako ngayon. I mean walang ginastos ever sa studies ko and even nung college naging working student ako para magkaron ng pang-baon.

Ngayon, wala akong mapagsabihan kasi I'm afraid of people treating me differently. I already feel different, gusto ko lang matrato with all the love people have for me. Wala naman akong pinepwersa, gusto ko lang naman maalagaan.

It's just sad that here I am contemplating of ending my suffering alone in my apartment rather than living a life knowing that it's ending or the quality of it is going down anytime in the next 3 years.